Shake It Off

I had a terribly off day today. I found out that someone blocked me on Facebook. Not an old acquaintance, mind you, but someone I see fairly frequently. It hurt shockingly bad. I'm recently becoming aware that there are people who don't like me. Maybe I have been naive to not have noticed it sooner. But I work my ass off to be a people pleaser. 

When I was young I wasn't aware that anyone mattered except for myself. Around the age of 13 I was made brutally aware that people viewed me as stuck up and selfish. It was a hard age to learn that kind of information and I shut down a bit. When I was prepared to "come back out of my shell" I started tip-toeing around others. Always putting them before me. Walking on egg shells. Never wanting to offend. I'm 29 and still behave this way. 

Therefore going into this whole new phase of learning people don't like me is a bit of a surprise. Especially to the extent that someone would go so far as to block me from their FB when there are so many other ways to avoid someone on FB without going that far.

This was not the only rough part of my day, but it kind of kicked things off and then it contiuned to lurk in the shadows. Now I've spent a day thinking about it and finally come around to a good place.

I have a little boy in my life who is almost 2. He depends on me and he loves me unconditionally. I have a husband who also loves and depends on me. What more does a person really need beyond that? And to top it off we just moved into our first home, which is incredible! Plus I have the most amazing friends surrounding me. The best thing about these friends? I don't have to tip-toe around them and worry myself about offending them. That's the best thing about real friendships. I may not have hundreds of people to call and divide my time up between. But the people I do get to call are incredible people who are more like family. I am so lucky to have them. 

Stuff 'n' Things

It has been one week since I gave up Facebook for 99 Days of Freedom. It is already so much easier not to be on FB than it was when I started 7 days ago. My mom texted me to tell me that she misses me being on there, which makes sense. I am the only child of hers who doesn't live within 2 hours of her, and FB was our way to easily stay in touch. Though truth be told, I prefer that people have to actually reach out to me and TALK to me to know what's going on in my life. As opposed to just quietly looking at what I'm up to and not actually taking the time to communicate with me. But funny thing: I'm also not sure that many people do "creep" on my FB page. I have only had 2 views of my last blog, which could very possibly even have been the same person. Probably my mom, "Hi Mom!"

Alas, I will keep writing, really more because it gives me something to do. Not that I am in that desperate of a need to find something to do. I have been considerably occupied. Thus far I think I actually am happier with my life now that I am slightly more disconnected from social media. Henry is a hoot. An absolute hoot. This child is getting crazier by the minute. He is pulling himself up on everything right now. I mean EVERYTHING. He gets better at it daily. Watching the wheels turn in that little brain of his is amazing. Tonight we went on a walk, which we try to do every night as long as the weather permits and we have time. Lately when we're getting ready to go out, he has started diving out of my arms into the stroller, I assume, because he is excited to go on a walk. When he sits in his stroller he puts his hands on the little tray in front of him, he leans forward and watches EVERYTHING. I took the time to watch him watch everything tonight. A bird flew by and he followed it. Some girls were riding their bikes and as long as he could see them, he watched them. As we get closer to signs he stares at them and then when we pass one he moves to the next sign. His little brains just take in so much.

In other news, we officially have a place in Minnesota! It is in Golden Valley - our first time living outside of Minneapolis. It is a wonderful apartment complex, we had toured it last year before we knew we were going to move to NY. They had one apartment available on Oct 1 and we snatched it right up! This move is getting so close but it still feels so far away. We think we're going to hire UPack, a moving company that brings a cube to our apartment, we fill it up and then it moves it to Minnesota for us where we unload. This is a great option because it allows us to all travel in the car together as a family instead of Jason driving the moving truck while Henry and I take the car. It's all so exciting! I just want to jump up and down and cheer like a silly little girl.

Something New

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook yesterday called 99 Days of Freedom. It is challenging people to give up FB for 99 days. I would love to disconnect completely, but letting go of FB is a good way to start. So for 99 days (which I think puts me at Oct 22nd) I will not use FB at all. I haven't even gone 24 hours yet and can't believe how many times I have mindlessly reached for my phone to check my FB (I removed the app from my phone). Like when you give up anything, I imagine the first days are the hardest and then it'll get easier over time.

This is actually the best time in my life to "Look Up." I have the rest of this summer home with Henry and I likely won't have the chance to spend free time like this with him again for a good chunk of years. It's been a struggle so far (not even 3 days in) because I just really don't know what to do with him. For the record: I am not ignoring him right now, he is taking his morning nap. I've been saying this throughout the last year, but this time off would be incredible if I had family or friends around. Today I sat down and made a list of different things he and I can go do together. I just don't want to sit in the apartment with him day after day. I think that would drive us both crazy. I might actually plan out daily activities. If only Albany had more to offer. I think the nearest zoo is in NYC...

Henry is so silly these days. I've been marveling at how much he has changed in the 8.5 months of his life and at how he hasn't changed at all. His favorite thing to do right now is to stand. Which is great, and would be even greater if he would realize that if he stands, he needs to hold on, or else he's going to fall. It's really hard as a mother to watch your baby bonk his head (chin, nose, cheek, etc) over and over again. Naturally I step in and move him to another area, or put my arms around him so I can catch him - prevent a bonk if at all possible. Then immediately I wonder if I need to just let whatever happens happen. What if my stepping in is making it harder for him to learn that he needs to hold on? Quite the metaphor for the rest of his life, huh?

Well, I'm going to do something productive around the house while Henry naps. Perhaps do some apartment hunting in Minnesota. I'll likely be getting around to posting on my blog a bit more than usual, so check back in periodically :)

28 and Feeling Great!

It it amazing how life works out sometimes. About a week and a half ago, Jason was offered a job as an associate at a law firm in downtown Minneapolis. We are absolutely beside ourselves! We have been hoping we would be able to move back to Minnesota, but we were also prepared to stay in Albany another year (and very thankful that we would have had that option). Jason started interviewing for this position in March. He had flown out to MN twice to meet with the firm and was feeling good about his interactions with them, but it is hard to really gauge how things are actually going. He has not had much luck breaking his way into the Minneapolis market, so we were cautiously optimistic. For days after learning he got the job we were both walking around with the goofiest smiles on our faces. This is what we have been waiting for and working towards. We finally get to settle down somewhere! What a relief!

Mother's Day came a couple days after learning Jason's awesome news. My first Mother's Day. Between the news we get to move back to Minnesota, and experiencing my first Mother's Day, I don't think I could have possibly been in a better place. Mother's Day is supposed to be about appreciating our Mother's, right? Well I basically spent the whole day just appreciating that I AM a mother. I couldn't get over (and kind of still can't get over) that I AM A MOM! I have waited my whole life to be a mom! And it is everything I ever dreamed it would be. Henry is amazing! Watching Jason be a father is amazing. I know typically gifts are given to the moms in order to show appreciation, but everything Jason and Henry did just felt like too much. I was so blissfully happy to just be on the "Mother" side of things this year, that I felt spoiled to get cards and gifts. It could not have been a more perfect day. I am extremely blessed.

Then my birthday snuck up on me this last weekend. I kept forgetting it was coming, and after being spoiled on Mother's Day I hardly felt it was fair to have to celebrate me on the following weekend. I heard from so many people who I love and Jason spent the day doing whatever I wanted to do. We went to the mall and while I tried on clothes he entertained Henry, then we went to Target and while I shopped he continued to entertain Henry, then when we were at home he made me dinner and cleaned the house. It was the most perfect low-key birthday with my two boys. 

On my birthday with my little man

It has occurred to me a lot recently just how amazing it is how life works out. Jason and I have always worked very hard to make the smart, responsible, and not always fun, choices. Jason has been teaching me the value of hard work since I met him. Since getting married in 2010, we have really had a crazy ride. There have been some very big challenges thrown our way. I have gone through my most challenging, but most rewarding years so far. In all of this we stood fairly strong but every now and then would have conversations of, "Have we been doing the right thing? Did we make the right choices?" Everyone wonders that, I know. But it has been the most incredible thing to start seeing the results of the choices that we have made and to see the outcomes that we have been hoping for. 

I am looking forward to enjoying our summer in New York, travelling the east coast. But I am so excited to pack-up our little family, make our way back to Minnesota and to put some roots in the ground. 28 is going to be a great year. I feel like life is really starting!

He's showing off his love for Minnesota :o)

Update On Us

Hello hello! It's been a while since I wrote a blog about our lives instead of writing solely about Henry. Though Henry is grand and a huge part of our lives so let me just add in a quick little note about him. He is freaking adorable and we love him more daily! Having a kid is definitely as wonderful as I always thought it would be!!

We have lived in New York for nearly eight months now. Crazy to believe! Time really does fly. In four months it is possibly going to be time for us to move again. We still don't know for sure though. Jason is working on some job prospects back in Minnesota - we will probably know within the next two weeks if its going to be New York for one more year, or if we're gonna pack up and head back to Minnesota. Either way we would be happy. Jason is really enjoying his job here. The hours are great so we're able to see him plenty and now that it is starting to warm up again, East Greenbush is becoming a tolerable place to live again!

I have been working for about a month at a Tutor Time center. You may have heard of them. They're owned by the same company who manages Childtime, Montessori Unlimited, La Petite Academy, and The Children's Courtyard. It has been a positive experience so far. Not a place I could stay at for long term, but knowing it is temporary makes it doable. Overall I am viewing it as a worthwhile learning experience. I don't think I've ever written much about this, but I am working on plans to open my own center. Not an in-home center, but a full size daycare center. For now I suppose it is still just a dream, but I would truly like to believe it is something that will happen.

In order to have a successful center, I believe one of the most important things to have is working knowledge of the classrooms with every age group. There is nothing more annoying that having people tell you what to do when they have never done it themselves (you can thank Chipotle for teaching me this lesson). I have two years of experience working in the infant room. It would be fairly difficult to continue at that pace with each age group. Luckily I have been hired as a floater at this center! (And it truly is ideal because I only work 9-2 which means I still get a lot of time with Henry every day!) As a floater I have already been able to work with every room in the center. I have been able to get into conversations with the staff to learn what things they like most about their job and what things they dislike most about their job (I'll give you a wild guess which I hear more about). The information is wonderful!

It is pretty crazy the dramatic difference between working at a corporate company and a private company. In all aspects, Tutor Time is just nothing in comparison to Cradle Club.

What I have been thinking about a lot lately is, What makes a good employee? How do I find the RIGHT people to hire and how do I actually know that they are the right people to hire? Obviously I'm going to hit and miss, there is just no getting around that. In the center I'm at, I am not sure if I would want to hire more than two or three of the current staff. They either love the kids but think they're above the rules, or they do a good job at going through the motions but their heart isn't in it, or their heart is in it but they are distracted by working for a not-so-well run company. None of them have the pride in their rooms that the staff at the Cradle Club had. Which gets me asking, what specific things at the Cradle Club fosters such devoted teachers? I have a pretty lengthy list of possibilities, it's just figuring out what things are the most important (which I also think I have a good idea of).

One of the biggest problems in New York is their laws regarding who can do what. One of the ladies who has been working in the infant room for 16 years just got demoted from Lead Teacher to Assistant Teacher because the new director of the center realized she does not have any college education. How absolutely upsetting for that employee! She has so much knowledge and has been with the company for 16 years, but she moves DOWN the totem-poll. Unfortunately there isn't anything to be done about it. In Minnesota they would request a variance - which basically means they would vouch for the person and state that even though they don't meet requirements a, b and c they more than meet requirements a and b so c doesn't matter. If it is approved then that's all you need. I've asked people here if they can do a variance and no one knows what I'm talking about... so I guess not?

Obviously that is a state law which can't really be changed, so I guess my first order of business is just making sure I don't open a daycare in New York... CHECK!

Anyway, that's what's going on with me. I'm doing research for a long-term goal :-)

Good-bye Winter!

I can't believe our little man is already 4 months old. Being a mother is truly as amazing as I have always imagined it would be...and then some. It has been hard for me to be so far away from everyone we love, mostly because it makes me sad that no one gets to play with and enjoy Henry. I know it isn't anything that he would remember, but it makes me sad for him that he is missing out on feeling all that extra love. The good thing, however, is that I know that all that love is out there and I really look forward to when he gets to experience it.

The other hard thing to deal with is winter! This cold long winter that seems to have gone on forever! It was really tolerable up until about a week or two ago. I suddenly can't handle it anymore. I could handle the winter if I were in Minnesota (where their winter has been much more brutal) because I would have people around me. But the winter along with the isolation has become quite trying. We have found a great deal of relief from these warmer days. We went on two walks last week when we had a 50 degree day and today it was 40 degrees, so we go to fit in another walk. It feels so great to get out and get some fresh air and Henry seems to really enjoy it.

I'm not sure if there is anything quite as wonderful as enjoying watching this long winter start to melt away with my little family.

**UPDATE**

On a more positive note, here are some things about Henry:

• He is now rolling. We were told by daycare that he was doing it a month before we saw it, but we didn't see it until about 2 weeks ago. Once we saw it, he was a rolling machine! All he would do is roll roll roll! Although he can only roll from his back to his tummy and then he'd get frustrated - silly kid!
• He LOVES his jumperoo. He is also a jumping machine! We find that we leave him in that thing for like an hour at a time. It's not intentional, but you can just get so much done when a baby entertains himself for an hour!
• He is cute as cute can be! Oh wait... guess that isn't news :)

A Mother's Love Story

My new favorite thing is waking in the middle of the night to the sweet sounds of our little baby boy. I climb out of bed and go to the little man's crib - he is often broken out of his swaddle, waving his arms and kicking his legs and almost always gives me a beautiful big smile.

I love looking at the cute little dimple he has in his right cheek.

He has gorgeous eyelashes that continue getting longer, darker and curl perfectly.

It makes my heart flutter when he is nursing and looks up at me with his big wide smiling bright blue eyes.

He has started holding tightly onto my pointer finger. It is so wonderful!

The two silly little cowlicks that come together to form a straight line down the middle of his head always make me chuckle.

His perfect little voice making those sweet "ooo" sounds are the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.

I didn't know I could ever love a little person so much. Every move and sound he makes is amazing. He is constantly changing and growing. He already seems to have grown so much, yet his life has barely even started. I love anticipating all the wonderful moments we have to look forward to!