The Reed Report: November 2013

I have been waiting and preparing more than half of my life for the day that I would be a mother. A person could truly not prepare more for something (some would say you can't actually prepare for being a parent... I'm not sure yet if I agree or not). I've been babysitting for longer than I can remember, but I have never babysat just to make money, I love taking care of people and I love children - always have always will. I spent about 4 years being a nanny and I've spent the last 2 years working in the Young Infant Room at a daycare. I have had a lot of experience to help me determine the kind of parent I want to be. But here are the things that have already surprised me about parenthood:

How much I love this little baby - I have truly loved so many children that have come into my life that I've wondered to myself throughout the years how much more I could possibly love my own children - the answer is overwhelming. The moment he was born and placed on my chest was the most incredible moment of my life. There is nothing that can compare. There are just no words to begin to describe the amount of love I have for this little boy.

That he can still make me smile and happy even when I'm waking up with him multiple times a night. - I wasn't sure how I was going to manage with less sleep in my life. I know I've only been at this parenting thing for a little over a week, but so far, I don't mind waking up with him at all. Am I tired? Yes, absolutely exhausted. But I've been good about sleeping when he sleeps and I really just love spending time with him.

That I don't want to let him cry - at all. - This might sound like an obvious one to some of you and there are probably some of you who crack up when you read this one. At the daycare I worked at you have to help the babies learn to self-soothe. There are 12 babies and only 4 teachers (3 for most of the day). Even if each teacher could actually hold a baby in each arm to soothe them, there would still be 4 left over babies who couldn't be held. It's just part of daycare, you don't get one-on-one care. Therefore I am very used to the sound of babies crying. I was SURE that I wouldn't mind hearing my own baby cry. And truthfully if he were as old as the babies in the daycare (6-8 weeks +) it would maybe be easier, I do after all still intend on teaching him to self-soothe. But for now, he's not even two weeks old and if he starts to fuss, I want to hold him. I can't help it.

How willing I was to switch to formula when nursing didn't get off to an easy start and even more surprised by how happy I am that we stuck with nursing and have figured it out! - Poor little Henry was tongue tied and lip tied which made nursing very painful. Before he'd even been around for 24 hours I was already thinking "Maybe I should just do formula" (I need to add in a couple side notes. #1, in my defense, it had been a long day, up since 2:30am, 10 hours of labor, and a day of painful nursing. #2, I have absolutely zero problem with formula feeding a baby - this could be a long tangent for another post, but in my experience I just don't think formula vs breastmilk makes that big of a difference and I think mothers (especially working mothers) are made to feel way too guilty about choosing to use formula. That said, I have always wanted to nurse my babies.) He had a procedure done to fix the ties, but even before that happened I had worked with a lactation consultant who really helped us make some good headway. He is now nursing like a champ and I love our special time together!

How many times I've worried that he's stopped breathing. - Yes, I admit it. I admit that in the past I've found it amusing when people have told me that they had this concern and I've just thought to myself, "Of course your baby is fine, don't worry about silly things." And I admit that now, there have been more times than I can count that I have gotten up close to him just to make sure that he is still breathing. Even woken myself up in the middle of the night just to get up and check that he's still breathing. And I say to myself the same thing, "Caitlin, of course he is fine, don't worry about silly things," but for some reason I still worry. I suppose it's just part of being a parent. Once you are one, you're always worrying about one thing or another, right?

How worried I am about germs. - Again, another one that I've laughed at others for worrying about. But I just want to protect this little guy. I don't want him around any germs. I know that at some point it will happen, but again, he isn't even two weeks old and I don't want him to get sick. We're going to a hotel this Friday night because Jason has a work conference and they're paying for us to stay the night. I am suddenly very worried about the sanitation in the room. Again, I'm trying to tell myself not to worry about silly things.

How much I miss him when he is asleep but right next to me. - Not much to expand on with this one. I just love it when he is awake!

Lastly, how much closer and in love I am with Jason now that we are parents together. - There is nothing quite as amazing as watching your husband become a father. I've said it a lot, but we've been together for 10 years and I continue to be amazed by the different things that bring us closer together. I always think that I can't possibly love him more, and then I do. I am so grateful for the nearly 4 years we've had to be married and enjoy each other's company and I am so excited for the rest of our lives as parents together!

What you need to know before reading it is that for my birth I used the "Hypnobabies" method for delivery and this is the story I gave to them to post on their website. Therefore it uses all of their terms and vocab for labor. Hypnobabies is basically using hypnosis to assist mothers in having an easy and more comfortable birth. The basic idea is to turn something that people usually look at with a lot of fear and anxiety into something empowering and positive. You can probably figure out what a lot of the terms mean on your own, but here is a quick breakdown.

Birthing Time = Labor
Practice Waves = False Labor
Waves (or birthing waves) = Contractions
Center Position = being in hypnosis to manage discomfort but allowing myself to still function normally

A little background about my pregnancy is that I had intended on taking my Hypnobabies course in Minneapolis and had already signed up for a class when we learned that my husband got a new job in Upstate New York. I had fallen in love with Hypnobabies but there were no instructors or classes anywhere near me in NY. I was 7 months pregnant and really determined to use this method so I decided I would do the Homestudy Course. The other things about moving to NY is that I had to change midwife practices late in my pregnancy and we do not know anyone in the area, no family or friends so I decided I would look into hiring a doula for a little bit of extra support. Turns out there are no hypno-doulas in the area either, but I was lucky enough to find a doula who is also a Hypnobirthing Instructor, who was willing to work with me and use my Hypnobabies tools.

Sunday October 27th was my due date. The day came and went uneventfully as I anticipated it would. That night I woke up at 2:30am feeling some unusual cramping. I had not been having my progress checked at my weekly prenatal appointments because I have known so many people to do that and end up with unrealistic expectations of when their baby will arrive. But I also had not experienced much of anything in terms of feeling like my body was prepping itself for my birthing time, so I was feeling rather certain that my baby's birthing time was still a while off. Therefore I was not at all convinced that things were starting.

After feeling a couple of these cramps I was wondering if I was coming down with a stomach bug. The feelings felt an awful lot like the gas cramps I have when I get an upset stomach. I got up and paced around the bathroom for a while, I didn't want to wake up my husband (Jason) because it was a Sunday night (really at this point it was early Monday morning) and I didn't want to deprive him of sleep for his day at work unless I was sure that I was in my birthing time.

I tried climbing back into bed but as soon as I did I felt another cramp and it was not comfortable enough to try to sleep through it. I decided I should get up and walk around the apartment for a bit. I spent until about 3:15am on my own when I realized the cramping was still coming regularly and although I was still not convinced that this was really my birthing time I decided I should wake Jason for some assistance just in case.

When I woke him I warned him that I wasn't sure whether or not these were practice waves but that I'd like him to get up to time them and to help me out by getting me snacks, etc. I started eating an apple and peanut butter, drinking water and he was timing things. Around 3:45am we were getting more convinced that this was something to take seriously. I called my mom, who lives out of state, so she could book tickets to fly out. Then I called my midwives and my doula - I was told to just take my time and that they would see me at the hospital in a bit. My doula and midwife both knew that my plan was to stay home for as long as possible.

Up until this point I was not really using much of my hypnobabies and was sort of struggling with my waves. I kept trying different positions but nothing was very comfortable. Jason finally said to me, "Why don't you listen to one of your hypnobabies tracks." So I got on my birthing ball, set up a bunch of pillows, got all situated and listened to the "Deepening Track" (my favorite one!). I did put my switch in the center position so I was able to talk to Jason and wiggle around. The track absolutely relaxed me and put me into the right mindset. I felt I was in control.

We stayed at home for as long as possible which as it turns out was only until about 6am. My waves were about 3-4 minutes apart (from what we could tell, we weren't being the best about timing) and lasting around 60 seconds. Being that this was my first time giving birth and that we really didn't know what to expect, it just made us both feel more at ease to be heading to the hospital. I listened to my "Easy First Stage" track on the drive to the hospital and basically on repeat from here on out. We arrived around 6:45am and headed into triage. The nurse (Sheryl) I was given was fantastic! The only downside was that she is a travel nurse. She had only been at this hospital for 4 days and did not have admitting privileges. She told me she had looked over my Birth Plan and since I wanted minimal internal exams that she was going to wait until the midwife arrived so the midwife could check me and then (hopefully) admit me.

My wonderful doula, Linda, showed up around 7:30ish and ended up hanging out with us in triage for quite a while. Things slowed down a little bit when we got to the hospital, which I've heard is typical. My waves, upon Linda's arrival, were coming every 3-6 minutes. But by around 8:30 (when we were still waiting for the midwife to show up) I had 3 back to back waves. There was a feeling that our baby was going to be born in triage if I didn't get admitted into a room quickly. Sheryl ultimately decided just to check me herself (Later after I had the baby I asked and found out I had been dilated to 6cm) and somehow got me into a room around 9am. Which is also around the time that the midwife arrived.

Once I was in my room I started using a birthing ball while still listening to my track. I found early on (before leaving home) that breathing through my waves with "horse lips" (I'm not sure if that's the real name for them, but it's what Ina May calls it) really worked for me. So each time I felt a wave I just relaxed my body as much as possible and blew "horse lips" while swaying on my ball and resting on pillows. After some time on the birthing ball I decided to move to the tub. Truthfully I was doing just fine and wasn't convinced I wanted to be in the water, but I've heard so much about how much the water helps that curiosity got the better of me.

Getting in the warm water in a big tub was absolutely amazing, though it is hard for me to say for sure whether or not I feel like it was a major difference in how my waves felt, because the waves became very intense while I was in the water. I had three that hit me leaving me feeling like I was going to throw up (though I am happy to report I didn't). At this point I changed from "horse lips", to making the low "ahh" sounds. I didn't consciously switch because I thought I was supposed to, it just felt better to "ahh" at this point.

I started getting "pushy" feelings shortly after getting into the water, around 11am. I got out pretty quickly, the midwife checked me (this was only the second time I was checked) and said it was time to have the baby! Jason switched my track to "Pushing Baby Out." I didn't have anything to play the tracks out-loud, I just stuck with my headphones. I listened to the track about 5 times, I kept saying to Jason "Babe, repeat the track" and at one point the midwife said "I really want to know what she's listening to." They were all very surprised at how calm I was in-between waves. I would just completely relax and drink water (I was very thirsty throughout my whole birthing time!)

The pushing is the only part of my birthing time that I would have liked to have gone differently. I really wanted to "ahh" my baby out, but didn't ever actually discuss that with anyone because I suppose I assumed it would just be something I would be able to do since I had listed on my Birth Preferences "Please don't tell me when to push." But when it came down to it they let me go for probably 20-30 minutes of "ahh"ing and pushing the way I wanted to and then they started telling me it was time for me to push during waves. I just followed what they told me and ended up doing "purple pushing."

Baby Henry was born at 12:38pm - about 10 hours after I woke up with my first waves and about 6 hours after arriving at the hospital. He was 7lbs 10oz 21.25inches long. He was placed on my chest and stayed there for nearly 2 hours after being born. Having him there to focus on really helped a great deal with all of the after birth stuff that goes on - I wasn't focused on any of that at all, I was just focused on Henry. I had stitches for a 1st degree tear, very minor, yay!

I was given a lot of praise, especially from Sheryl (my nurse), for how well I did throughout my birthing time. Sheryl even bragged to someone for me saying, "This woman just gave a completely natural birth without even a single IV," that comment made me feel really good about myself. I was told that I was very calm and relaxed. I made jokes and didn't stop smiling when I was between my waves. I was told it is unusual to see someone still happy and relaxed in between waves once you near the end of your birthing time but I didn't see any reason to be worked up in-between waves. That was my time to relax, drink water, prepare for the next wave and get excited because my baby was on his way!

We only used my cell phone to take pictures, so they aren't great, but I got some documentation of my birthing time at the hospital: