Our first school year in Minnesota is over! I am now back in Colorado until the end of May at which point Jason and I will head over to California for the summer. It is so crazy that we are at this point. I'm a person who is always looking forward to the future and never focusing on and enjoying the now (just read my last post). But I have recently learned that it is really important to enjoy the now. Time does go too fast to never enjoy the moment I'm in. Although, here I am saying this at a time when Jason is a 14 hour drive away from me for the next week and a half and I really just want to see him!
My 25th birthday was yesterday. I don't worry about getting "old" or anything like that - 25 is still plenty young in my opinion. Age is just one of those things though - you know? One of those things people fixate on. I've heard from so many friends, "Oh, I can't believe you're married, and people are starting to have babies, we're just all getting so OLD," and then there are the people I talk to the next day who say, "What?! You're MARRIED? But you're so young!" Can't people just be the age they are and make the choices they make and have it simply just be?
Moving to Minnesota has been a wonderful adventure for Jason and me so far (no, the correct way is not, "Jason and I"). I appreciate him and value him so much more - I didn't even realize it was possible to appreciate and value him more than I already had. We have been together in a relationship for 8 years (in June). I thought it wasn't possible to feel any closer to him, but moving was the best decision for us. It has brought us so much closer and I've learned that there are many things we will have to look forward to in the future to continue bringing us closer together.
I think I have offended different members of my family multiple times in the last few months with comments about not being excited to come "home" (Colorado) and feeling unsure of what to do with myself while in CO, and expressing my concerns about being bored, etc. I've never been very good with words. I can be very blunt and say what's on my mind without realizing how it sounds like it's coming out to others. I think I offend far more often than I mean and often times it's a mis-communication because I lack the ability to formulate my thoughts into adequate statements. Lets see if I can do better when I am able to type my thoughts and rewrite as necessary:
Each time I have visited Colorado since moving to Minnesota, everything is the same. Lives don't change because we left, life keeps on going. As it does when we visit. It is always wonderful to see everyone and everyone takes time to see us but then they go on and live their daily lives. Whereas we are visiting, so while everyone is living their lives, we're taking a break from ours and we reach a point of, "Well what now?" It's not a bad thing, it is just that we have moved on. Our life isn't in Colorado anymore, it's in Minnesota and interestingly enough, we like our lives being there.
It is wonderful to come to Colorado and see that everything is the same. The kids are of course bigger and it's sad to miss that time with them, but they still know and love us. It is great to know that we can come here and squeeze right back in where we left off. We don't skip a beat. Bickering picks right up where it was left off, the same jokes are still funny, the relationships are all essentially the same. I think that is one way home can be defined; Someplace you can always go back to where you feel welcome, loved and comfortable. So on one hand, of course Colorado will always be a home to us and we will always be happy to visit.
On the other hand, my permanent home is with Jason (wherever it may be that we are living). That is where my life is and I love it. I love being on our own. I love the life we are making together; growing, learning, working and experiencing things on our own. There is occasional sadness and longing for people and things in CO, but those feelings pass and come less and less. I don't know what our future holds, we have some crazy adventures ahead of us and I'm sure there will be many more to come. Who knows where we will end up. Frankly, it isn't important. All that is important is that we be together.
If you're reading this and you're someone I have offended with this subject, I'm sorry and I hope you understand better now if you didn't understand before. And if your name is Georgia (or Kathy or I suppose anyone else) and you are gagging at my sentimental public display of affection for my husband, I'm sorry, but you didn't HAVE to read all the way through if you didn't want to ;-)
2 comments:
I like and dislike at the same time. But I understand. And I know I, too, didn't need to read the whole way through...
You know, they say you can't ever go home again. I never really got that until leaving home entirely and then returning. Your life becomes an individual thing and it is a bit surreal to see your mental picture of the way home was changed not only by you but by the people who have grown and moved on as well. The good thing is you can enjoy the things that you missed that are still there and then go home and hug your hubby and think "Thank goodness we're home!"
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