How much I love this little baby - I have truly loved so many children that have come into my life that I've wondered to myself throughout the years how much more I could possibly love my own children - the answer is overwhelming. The moment he was born and placed on my chest was the most incredible moment of my life. There is nothing that can compare. There are just no words to begin to describe the amount of love I have for this little boy.
That he can still make me smile and happy even when I'm waking up with him multiple times a night. - I wasn't sure how I was going to manage with less sleep in my life. I know I've only been at this parenting thing for a little over a week, but so far, I don't mind waking up with him at all. Am I tired? Yes, absolutely exhausted. But I've been good about sleeping when he sleeps and I really just love spending time with him.
That I don't want to let him cry - at all. - This might sound like an obvious one to some of you and there are probably some of you who crack up when you read this one. At the daycare I worked at you have to help the babies learn to self-soothe. There are 12 babies and only 4 teachers (3 for most of the day). Even if each teacher could actually hold a baby in each arm to soothe them, there would still be 4 left over babies who couldn't be held. It's just part of daycare, you don't get one-on-one care. Therefore I am very used to the sound of babies crying. I was SURE that I wouldn't mind hearing my own baby cry. And truthfully if he were as old as the babies in the daycare (6-8 weeks +) it would maybe be easier, I do after all still intend on teaching him to self-soothe. But for now, he's not even two weeks old and if he starts to fuss, I want to hold him. I can't help it.
How willing I was to switch to formula when nursing didn't get off to an easy start and even more surprised by how happy I am that we stuck with nursing and have figured it out! - Poor little Henry was tongue tied and lip tied which made nursing very painful. Before he'd even been around for 24 hours I was already thinking "Maybe I should just do formula" (I need to add in a couple side notes. #1, in my defense, it had been a long day, up since 2:30am, 10 hours of labor, and a day of painful nursing. #2, I have absolutely zero problem with formula feeding a baby - this could be a long tangent for another post, but in my experience I just don't think formula vs breastmilk makes that big of a difference and I think mothers (especially working mothers) are made to feel way too guilty about choosing to use formula. That said, I have always wanted to nurse my babies.) He had a procedure done to fix the ties, but even before that happened I had worked with a lactation consultant who really helped us make some good headway. He is now nursing like a champ and I love our special time together!
How many times I've worried that he's stopped breathing. - Yes, I admit it. I admit that in the past I've found it amusing when people have told me that they had this concern and I've just thought to myself, "Of course your baby is fine, don't worry about silly things." And I admit that now, there have been more times than I can count that I have gotten up close to him just to make sure that he is still breathing. Even woken myself up in the middle of the night just to get up and check that he's still breathing. And I say to myself the same thing, "Caitlin, of course he is fine, don't worry about silly things," but for some reason I still worry. I suppose it's just part of being a parent. Once you are one, you're always worrying about one thing or another, right?
How worried I am about germs. - Again, another one that I've laughed at others for worrying about. But I just want to protect this little guy. I don't want him around any germs. I know that at some point it will happen, but again, he isn't even two weeks old and I don't want him to get sick. We're going to a hotel this Friday night because Jason has a work conference and they're paying for us to stay the night. I am suddenly very worried about the sanitation in the room. Again, I'm trying to tell myself not to worry about silly things.
How much I miss him when he is asleep but right next to me. - Not much to expand on with this one. I just love it when he is awake!
Lastly, how much closer and in love I am with Jason now that we are parents together. - There is nothing quite as amazing as watching your husband become a father. I've said it a lot, but we've been together for 10 years and I continue to be amazed by the different things that bring us closer together. I always think that I can't possibly love him more, and then I do. I am so grateful for the nearly 4 years we've had to be married and enjoy each other's company and I am so excited for the rest of our lives as parents together!
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